


Home

by Myotterprince



Series: I'll Be Your Home [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Panic Attack, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 06:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20188015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myotterprince/pseuds/Myotterprince
Summary: Ten reminds Johnny of home.No, it’s not because Ten smells like Johnny’s mother’s cooking.





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I have two other stories to finish but life has been hard and I just needed to write it out. This is not my best work and I'm just trying to write again because I guess I kind of forgot how to write stories? I don't know. Everything's just been a lot. There is a slight panic attack scene but nothing too graphic. This is based on what has been happening to me and uhhhh yeah. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it and uh, leave a comment!
> 
> Have a good day, lovelies <3 
> 
> -Myotterprince

Ten reminds Johnny of home. 

No, it’s not because Ten smells like Johnny’s mother’s cooking. 

There is just something about the boy that always manages to bring down Johnny’s wall and Johnny loves it. And maybe that’s the reason Johnny can barely hold back his tears when his eyes meet the younger boy’s. 

Despite Kun and Sicheng greeting him as they enter the dorm, Johnny doesn’t reply as his attention was on Ten and Ten only. And when the younger boy finally smiles and greets him with his usual mischievous, “Hi, Johnathan,” Johnny couldn’t stop his feet as they made their way to the dancer, nor could he stop his arms from wrapping themselves around Ten’s waist. 

As if it is an automatic response, Ten returns the embrace with his arms around the taller boy’s neck and buries his face in the older boy’s chest. 

“I missed you,” Johnny confesses in a whisper before pulling away and kissing the younger’s forehead. Ten simply smiles in return before reaching forward and interlacing their fingers. 

“Can you help me with my backpack?” 

~

It is the first time since NCT21 formed that they get to hang out as a whole together. All members decided to throw a little get-together and just spend time with friends they haven’t seen in a while. Yuta hasn’t left Sicheng’s side since the dancer came out from their shared room after showering and the 00 line has been sitting in a circle, playing a game on their phones. 

The older members sit in a circle talking about everything and nothing. As the night gets darker and darker, so did Johnny’s energy. 

“We’re gonna head to bed now,” Ten announces when Johnny’s head is practically on his shoulder and the members just nod in acknowledgement before continuing with their conversations. “Come on, bub, let’s get you to bed.” 

~ 

Ten reminds Johnny of home. 

He reminds Johnny of home in a sense that sometimes Johnny can talk about something for hours and he wouldn’t feel judged. He reminds Johnny of home in a sense that Johnny can not move for hours and it is still okay. He reminds Johnny of home and brings comfort. 

“Talk to me baby,” Ten whispers softly but Johnny doesn’t reply from his position next to him. 

“I don’t want to,” Johnny says eventually, mumbling into Ten’s chest. 

Despite their obvious size difference, Ten has long learned that Johnny occasionally loves to be the little spoon and feel protected from the world. 

Ten sighs softly and kissed Johnny’s crown. 

“That’s okay then,” he says, “but can you answer me this?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Are you okay?” 

There is no answer for a while and Ten choose to not say anything. 

“I am worried.” 

“About what, baby?” 

“Everything,” Johnny continues and takes a deep, shaking breath, “all the time and sometimes— all time time— I can’t breathe.” 

Ten doesn’t say anything. Ten never says anything when Johnny is talking about his feelings; instead, he squeezes his arms around Johnny tighter and that is enough for Johnny to know that Ten is there. 

“It gets so hard sometimes. I do what I love with the people I love and I genuinely do love my life. But sometimes— god, sometimes— it is so hard. It is so hard to breathe, and talk, and interact with people and just live. Everything feels so wrong and I can’t breath!” 

At this point, Johnny was sobbing into Ten’s chest and Ten still says nothing. He holds him tighter and runs his fingers gently through the older boy’s hair. 

“I can’t breathe, Ten, I can’t breathe!” Johnny continues to cry and his breath is now coming out in sharp gasps of air. 

Ten holds him tighter.

“Shhhh,” he shushes softly, “I’m here, Johnny, shhhh.” 

Eventually, after Ten repeats the mantra a few times, Johnny is much calmer and Ten continues to hum softly.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny speaks up after regaining his thoughts, “I don’t know what came over me.” 

Ten doesn’t say anything. He softly kisses Johnny’s forehead instead. 

“When I had my knee surgery and had to be on complete bed rest, I lost sight of the good in my life,” Ten speaks up after minutes of silence, “I didn’t think I was going to dance ever again. And I thought even if I did, I would never be as good as I was. I didn’t want to continue dancing anymore. I wanted to go home to Thailand and just forget anything even happened.” 

Johnny looks up to Ten’s face and frowned. 

“What?” 

“Yeah, surprising, right?” Johnny nods. “Yeah, it surprised me too. That new stage of hopelessness was completely new to me and I just wanted to hide and not face anyone. But you know, you are the reason I’m here today.” 

“I don’t understand?” 

“You came into my room that evening and even though I can see the exhaustion in your eyes, you still went back out to buy ice cream for me. And then you laid down on my bed, just like how I’m laying on yours, and we watched disney movies together, remember?” 

“I remember doing that….” 

“You gave me safety when I myself wasn’t safe, Johnny, and it is okay to be in the dark right now,” Ten smiles and tilts Johnny’s chin with his finger, “I will be right there with you and when it gets too dark and you’re scared, my hand is right here, hold it, okay?” 

Johnny closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and leans his forehead on Ten’s chest. . 

“Can I hide for now, Ten?” he asks softly, “I don’t want to face the world right now.” 

“Okay, Johnny,” Ten reassures him, “You don’t have to face the world.” 

“Will you be there when I face the world?” 

“I will be right next to you.” 

Johnny opens his eyes and tilts up to kiss Ten’s lips softly. 

“Thank you….really.” 

“Go to sleep, Johnny,” Ten smiles and kisses his forehead, “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”


End file.
